I SWEAR I AM STILL ALIVE
Wow, it's been a while since I last made a journal! This one will be pretty brief, but I feel like I need to make one. After all, I feel most ashamed that I've been so busy, I have been unable to take full advantage and abuse my premium as much as possible this past month, therefore, one last journal on my last day, to make my profile pretty, I'm decorating it with ceilonn
's magical art.
So, here's a thing on my mind
Well, funny story, lots of things have been on my mind lately! IB students have like, 0 time for just not thinking. But recently, I was thinking more about my art, and what made me happy about it. Why I do art. Because when it comes down to it, when I first started seriously doing it, it was more out of obligation than my own choice. I made art because it interested other people, and it was an easier way to gain effort points on assignments. Back in middle school and early high school, we still made posters and stuff and it was fun to be the one to decorate or design things. Earlier on, I had made art continuously in order to build a profile in case I entered art school. However, when I made the decision to study medicine, I stopped making art for that purpose. I don't do that much anymore these days, because there is less and less room for my own form of expression with my assignments. I dropped art classes in favor of science (which is a decision I don't regret), however, I'm not eligible for any kind of art schools now.
So logically, art has no real place for me, right?
For a while I was thinking about it, if I should just stop making art, and thinking about ideas for new pieces, because I won't really get around to them, and the only thing I'm doing is art for myself. If i do art, it's no longer benefiting anyone but myself.
I started coming to the realization that, yes, I can be selfish. I can make art for myself, because it makes me happy and keeps me sane. I never considered myself a real artist because I liked making things for other people, or in order to please other people. I liked seeing my improvements, and I liked the encouragement people gave me when they saw my improvements. I liked making people happy and inspiring people with my work.
I think about other people I knew who stopped making art because they lost inspiration due to lack of passion. Or they felt down when they took a different direction and people didn't approve of their work as much as before. I want to wrap my arms around these people and tell them that it doesn't matter what others say to you, your work is your own.
And it becomes pretty tricky when sometimes, you realize what makes you like your art is that it makes other people happy. And there's nothing bad about that either! But never feel like you have to stick in a box of 'what is good'. If you have that urge to try something new, don't suppress it!
Sometimes it's easier said than done. I have those voices in my head a lot that tell me I shouldn't bother making work if nobody will like it, or if it has no meaning.
Should I really listen to this voice?
I've concluded that I really have to take a look at the real reason I make art. It's nice to say, "Keep making art no matter what anyone says!". But sometimes, some people lose passion for art, but feel obligated to continue in hopes that they will someday rekindle their love or inspiration for it, and grow more frustrated when they cannot.
I don't like thinking of people forcing themselves, because if you're not in a happy place, you shouldn't be trying at something you know might not get you there. I learned a lot from ceilonn
about art, about the payoff from striving hard to do what you love, because you know it makes you happy, and he's a brilliant example of how you can improve. But he has real passion for art. Does it mean feeling like making work every day, and every piece turns out perfectly expected? No, but he keeps working at it, and he pushes himself further and further, and that's I think, what you gotta keep in mind when you find yourself down.
I feel like, if you lack passion for it, you shouldn't be doing it. Stopping art for either a few weeks to years ... it doesn't mean that you've lost anything. To be honest, often, when people stop trying to push themselves in specific directions, they can find it freeing, and they can find other passions in other places. And usually, in those other places, they can meet new people and they can continue to inspire and educate and please other people as well as themselves.
This was more of a musing rather than anything else, and it's 12:30 at night and I'm tired, but I feel like this is just some rambling I gotta get out.
I make my work for many different reasons, and many of them are selfish reasons. But I don't think that's necessarily bad.
I'll continue making art. I see my work kind of as a documentation of my growth over time, and to be honest, even the absences of my work can say some things about me as well. So I'll just not worry so much, if I'm making art, or if I'm not. Because in the end, whatever you do, as long as you're doing it to make yourself happy, you should be doing it.
All art by the brilliant ceilonn